Wednesday, February 20, 2008

Lifetime is proud to present Alyssa Milano's FIRST time ...

Yep, our lovable tomboy-cum-Poison Ivy vixen-cum Wiccan Badass has been sold to the proverbial dark-side. The Sithy dark-side, not, you know, the Eddie and the Cruisers one.

I really, really. really adore Alyssa Milano. I think she's spunky and feisty. I think she could have been lost in the shuffle and been a throw-back punchline. I love that she and Holly Marie Combs took control of their show and it really became something they owned and cared for. I love that she seems to "get" herself. You can't discount the power of getting your own reference. So yes... I enjoy Alyssa Milano and wish her only the best.

So, yeah, imagine my horror when I hear the commercial proudly proclaim, "Alyssa Milano in her first Lifetime Original movie...". FIRST?? First would seem to indicate that there were more to come. As if a second, nay, even a third was in the bag. WTF?! Like there will be one for every season.

!See Alyssa come home for Easter for the first time in ten years. She quit college, a privilege her whole family sacrificed for, one semester shy of graduating with a degree in psychology to pursue her dream of art design. Mother is sick in bed, her heart more broken than under attack. Her sister is pissed that she had to keep everyone together and Daddy is waxing simple-philosophy while whittling intricate puzzle boxes. Can Alyssa put the pieces of her daddy's toys and her mother's heart together again?!

!Set the DVR to romantic-comedy as the recently-divorced and relationship-jaded Alyssa, determined that they will, in fact be a happy family and have happy family memories, takes her young brood on a hijinks-ridden vacation at their summer rental in the mountains. Just wait until the hungry mama bear shows up! Only by working together can Alyssa and the hunky, single ranger save their summer and give Alyssa back the love, and desire, she thought she had lost.-!

Ok. Maybe I'm being a bit tangent skirting. And yes, this obviously deserves the observation that, well, to have even seen the commercial, I was probably watching Lifetime. And further more, in order to rant about the banality of Lifetime movies, I've had to seen a few. - So yeah, fuck, ok... I find Lifetime on my TV. Sometimes. Like, you know, right now. It's "Will & Grace" people! I had given up on it on season 3 and now, well, now enough time has passed and we can be friends again.

I don't know. Maybe it'll be a good movie. I trust Alyssa. I'm going to go with her. Ok. So it's Lifetime. But you know what, I got ovaries. So, yeah. And, honestly, I'd whore myself out to Lifetime too. If they would have me. I can logline like a bitch, baby. Like a cheated-on, angry, bitch ready to get back at my husband by running over his golf clubs, screwing his friends, and besting his business. - You can msg me here ;)

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